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Copyright © 1998, Steve Goodman - All rights reserved.

These materials are provided by Steve Goodman as a service to his readers and may be used for information purposes only. Steve Goodman assumes no responsibility for errors or omissions in these materials. Steve Goodman makes no commitment to update the information contained herein. Steve Goodman makes no, and expressly disclaims any, representations or warranties, express or implied, regarding the www.stevegoodman.com Web site, including without limitation the accuracy, completeness or reliability of text, graphics, links and other items accessed from or via this server or the Internet. No advice or information given by Steve Goodman, his affiliates or their respective employees, agents or independent contractors shall create any warranty.

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Why is this website here?

You might well ask why YOU are here! The purpose of this website is to have fun. It is a venue for my own bent ideas of whimsical self-expression. If you don't like it... leave. If you do then tell your friends. If you're not sure then poke around some more.

This site is strictly non-commercial. Be nice or leave!

IMPORTANT:

I am that I am and so I will be,

but how that I am none knoweth truely.

Be it evil, be it well, be I bound, be I free,

I am as I am and so I will be.

PLEASE NOTE:

Some Quantum Physics Theories Suggest That When the Consumer

Is Not Directly Observing This Product, It May Cease to Exist or Will Exist

Only in a Vague and Undetermined State.

WARNING:

This Product Warps Space and Time in Its Vicinity.

CONSUMER NOTICE:

Because of the "Uncertainty Principle," It Is Impossible

for the Consumer to Find Out at the Same Time

Both Precisely Where This

Product Is and How Fast It Is Moving.

IMPORTANT NOTICE TO PURCHASERS:

The Entire Physical Universe, Including

This Product, May One Day Collapse Back into an Infinitesimally Small

Space. Should Another Universe Subsequently Re-emerge, the Existence of

This Product in That Universe Cannot Be Guaranteed.

THIS IS A 100% MATTER PRODUCT:

In the Unlikely Event That This Merchandise

Should Contact Antimatter in Any Form, a Catastrophic Explosion Will Result.

ATTENTION:

Despite Any Other Listing of Product Contents Found Hereon, the

Consumer is Advised That, in Actuality, This Product Consists Of

99.9999999999% Empty Space.

.COMPONENT EQUIVALENCY NOTICE:

The Subatomic Particles (Electrons, Protons,

etc.) Comprising This Product Are Exactly the Same in Every Measurable

Respect as Those Used in the Products of Other Manufacturers, and No Claim

to the Contrary May Legitimately Be Expressed or Implied.

ADDITIONAL DISCLAIMERS:

This product is meant for educational purposes only.
Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental.
Sell before date stamped on carton.
Do not purchase if seal has been tampered with.
Contents under pressure.
Void where prohibited or taxed.
Some assembly required.
List each check separately by bank number.
Batteries not included.
Some settling of contents may occur during shipping.
Use only as directed.
No other warranty expressed or implied.
Do not use while operating a motor vehicle or heavy equipment.
Postage will be paid by addressee.
Subject to CAB approval.
This is not an offer to sell securities.
Apply only to affected area.
May be too intense for some viewers.
Do not stamp.
Use other side for additional listings.
For recreational use only.
Do not disturb.
All models over 18 years of age.
If condition persists, consult your physician.
No user-serviceable parts inside.
Freshest if eaten before date on carton.
Times approximate.
Simulated picture.
No postage necessary if mailed in the United States.
Breaking seal constitutes acceptance of agreement.
For off-road use only.
As seen on TV.
One size fits all.
Many suitcases look alike.
Contains a substantial amount of non-tobacco ingredients.
Colors may, in time, fade.
We have sent the forms which seem to be right for you.
Slippery when wet.
Parental guidance suggested.
Do not bend, fold, spindle, or mutilate.
We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone.
Use unleaded fuel only.
For office use only.
Not affiliated with the American Red Cross.
Drop in any mailbox.
Edited for television.
Keep cool; process promptly.
For sale by prescription only.
Post office will not deliver without postage.
Return to sender, no forwarding order on file, unable to forward.
Not responsible for direct, indirect, incidental or consequential damages resulting from any defect, error or failure to perform.
At participating locations only.
Not the Beatles, just an incredible simulation.
Penalty for private use.
See label for sequence.
Your mileage may vary.
No part of this publication may be reproduced in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the publisher.
Substantial penalty for early withdrawal.
Do not write below this line.
Lost ticket pays maximum rate.
Your cancelled check is your receipt.
Place stamp here.
Avoid contact with skin.
Sanitized for your protection.
Be sure each item is properly endorsed.
Sign here without admitting guilt.
Items sold separately.
Slightly higher in California.
Employees and their families are not eligible.
Contestants have been briefed on some questions before the show.
Limited time offer, call now to insure prompt delivery.
You must be present to win.
No passes accepted for this engagement.
No purchase necessary.
Processed at location stamped in code at top of carton.
No riders.
Shading within a garment may occur.
Use only in well-ventilated area.
Keep away from fire or flame.
Replace with same type.
Approved for veterans.
Any rebroadcast, reproduction, or other use of the pictures and accounts of this game without the express written consent of Major League Baseball is prohibited.
Booths for two or more.
Check here if tax deductible.
Some equipment shown is optional.
Don't try this at home.
Dispose of properly.
No Canadian coins.
Not recommended for children.
Prerecorded for this time zone.
Reproduction strictly prohibited.
Do not immerse.
No solicitors.
No alcohol, dogs, or horses.
Restaurant package, not for resale.
List at least two alternate dates.
First pull up, then pull down.
Call toll free before digging.
Driver does not carry cash.
Some of the trademarks mentioned in this product appear for identification purposes only.
Record additional transactions on back of previous stub.
No bills over $20 accepted.
Price does not include taxes, title, destination charges, or dealer prep.
No pepper games.
This is not a competition, it is only an exhibition.
No wagering.
An equal opportunity employer.
Published simultaneously in Canada.
List was current at time of printing.
This supersedes all previous notices.
This information is subject to change without notice.